


Shibi did not sign up for his teams bullshit

by DinoGlitter



Series: The life and times of Noel and Xanxus [11]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Naruto
Genre: M/M, character rant, chibi itachi, help shibi aburame, oc hates danzo, oc hates fugaku uchiha, sake cures everything, shibi is so done, tsume is a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13004118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinoGlitter/pseuds/DinoGlitter
Summary: The Aburame clan head was content in his life.  He had a new baby boy to look after,  Tsume hadn't barged into his home in a week, and better yet had not dropped her children off without reason in over a month.  Yes, Shibi Aburame was content.  That all flew out the window less than a minute after thinking that when his other ex-teammate shows up ready to spew all of his problems onto the quiet clan head.  Shibi did not sign up for this.





	1. Chapter 1

“I hate that smug self-serving son of a bitch.”  Noel growled as he forced his way into the home of one of his few friends.  

 

  Shibi Aburame was a patient man, but it all flew out the window when the teal haired jonin was involved.  He sighed settled in to listen to the newest rant about the council.  He wished that Noel would forget about him like everyone else seemed to.  Shibi resigns himself to pour a drink for them both.  He would definitely need it.

 

“He had the nerve to try and poach my students from me!  He literally came up as if he was my fucking bestie or some shit and just started small talk with my team!”  Noel snarled as he accepted the sake with a nod.  “Thank fuck Ibiki has enough intuition to back the fuck away.”

 

  Shibi rose a brow in question of the younger man’s words.  They had been placed on the same team upon graduation from the academy.  Shibi was unlucky to be placed with not only Tsume Inuzuka, who had no clue what the words ‘personal space’ or ‘inside voice’ meant;  but he also had even worse luck to be stuck with Noel, a clanless orphan who just so happened to be a little too into his poison sebon.  His old teammates got along like a house on fire.  They would drag him off to what he could only assume was his death every time they showed up at his door.  Now as semi-adults nothing had really changed except Tsume getting pregnant and popping out a baby with the opposite temperament of its mother.  Tsume named her old teammates the godmother and godfather with a huge grin.  Noel got pissed at the implications of her words and proceeded to flip his long thick hair over his shoulder.  Claiming them as godparents also meant that Tsume could drop her ‘pup’ off at either one of their houses without question at anytime of the day with the same smug grin as she told the two men it was their duty as pack.  At least Hana was a quiet girl.  Her new baby Kiba on the other hand was too much for Shibi to handle.  His own baby, Shino, didn’t fuss a fraction of what that child kicked up.

   Shibi was snapped out of his rambling by the serious stare on Noel’s face.  He nodded showing the other that he was listening and to continue.  Noel gave a sigh of frustration.

 

“I’ve been talking to Xanxus lately and I think I am going back to T&I after this group of genin moves up.”  Noel explains sipping from his cup. “He agreed with me and I’m going to pull Ibiki with me.  I’ve been working on finding a kenjutsu master for Hayate, and a fire type trainer for Tokara.  I wanted to ask Mikoto but Fugaku was being a dick to me. So I'm not even going to try setting foot near the Uchiha compound because I am 100% sure I will play pin cushion with that stuck up bastards head.”

 

  Shibi sighed in exasperation at his words.  Noel and Fugaku had a mutual and very public hatred for each other that was known throughout the village for years now.  It was odd considering how well Noel got along with Mikoto.  In fact, Mikoto was the ONLY adult Uchiha Noel could stand simply because of one person.  Xanxus.  The ebony haired ninja was quiet and constantly angry.  He was considered a bastard of the Uchiha clan since his mother was a civilian woman from the hidden mist.  Xanxus came to Konoha in his early teens after leaving the bloody mist.  He had gone through their horrific graduation exam and upon passing was told of his parentage.  He came in search of answers, but was turned away even after revealing his sharingan.  He was angry with the clan, but had no desire to return to the mist.  He pledged loyalty to the hidden leaf and after being watched for over a year he was finally accepted.  At some point he met Noel and the two somehow became a thing.  Tsume went on for months about Noel finally getting some.  Shibi did not want to know as much as he did about his ex-teammates private intimate lives.  

 

“Also, before I forget…”  Noel started pulling a small scroll from his pocket.  “Here is your invitation, we expect you to be on time with a gift that actually benefits us.”

 

  Shibi’s brow rose before he took the scroll and unrolled it.  He nearly spit out his sake at the first words on the parchment.  

 

**You are invited to the joining ceremony of**

 

**_Xanxus & Noel_ **

 

**Held at an undisclosed time and location to be announced**

 

**If you wish to attend the festivities please personally inform the ceremony officiant**

 

**_Inuzuka Tsume_**

 

“Is this actually serious?”  Shibi choked out in disbelief.

 

“Xanxus asked me after his last mission and I said yes.  We are also thinking of adopting once we do.”  Noel grinned.  “Xanxus wants a kid that acts like him, but I want one like Mikoto’s adorable little Tachi.”

 

  Noel started to blissfully ramble on about the doe eye Uchiha that he and Kushina, another crazy woman befriended by his friend, cooed over.  He was interrupted by the earth shattering roar and the thick saturation of malicious chakra in the air.

 

“I’m going to see what's going on, you go check on my little bug.”  Noel spoke seriously as he gestured toward Shino’s nursery.

 

  That night several things occurred before anyone could stop them from happening.  Konoha lost its Hokage, many children were orphaned, the village was partially destroyed, and one blonde baby was branded a monster due to his father’s blind trust.  Xanxus and Noel did eventually get their joining ceremony, but they also decided to adopt after the kyuubi attack.  They were now the parents of a perky 2 year old girl with big brown eyes and twin buns.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel and Xanxus take a baby.

Noel hissed at anyone that set foot near him as he clutched a sleeping blonde baby closer to his chest.  Xanxus was at his back with his eyes piercing through the matron of the orphanage with their wide-eyed daughter gazing curiously from his arms.

 

“I don't give a flying fuck about any of that shit.  I'm taking him and if anyone on the council has anything to say they can come to my house and speak to my door because I. AM. KEEPING. HIM.”

 

 The woman paled as the tealette pulled several senbon from his pouch.  

 

“Step out of my way.”

 

 The old woman shivered and moved away from the door.  Noel snorted and walked out of the orphanage with a smirk.  Xanxus handed his daughter a teething kunai as he followed. 

 

“How long do you think it will take for the Hokage to come knocking?”  He asked his boyfriend.

 

“It’s not Hiruzen i’m worried about.  He knows that Kushina, Minato and Lady Biwako planned a chain of people Naruto was meant to go to in case she and Minato died.  Jiraiya, Mikoto, Biwako, then me. Jiraiya ran away to who fucking knows where, Fugaku and Mikoto are under pressure from the counsel’s suspicious of the clan, and Biwako was killed in the attack.  That leaves me. I'm pretty sure they also had Kakashi in mind, but he is in no way mentally or physically able to take care of a baby.” Noel sighed as he gazed down at the sleeping child. “It’s Danzo I fear.  He already tried to sink his filthy claws into my team. I will not allow him to bring harm to this kid.”

 

 When they finally made it to their modest 2 floor home, that they slapped numerous seals on the moment they paid for it, they put Naruto into Ten Ten’s crib as Xanxus set their daughter in her playpen.  She squealed in glee as she picked up her toy sword to swing around.  Noel sighed and slumped into Xanxus as the stress of the situation he was kicking upset in. 

 

“Shit Xanxus what are we going to do if he sets his little pets on us?”  Noel asked.

 

“Kill them.”  He replied leading Noel to their living room.

 

“It’s never that simple.”  Noel laughs.

 

“I see you two are stirring up another fuss.”  A voice drawled from their sofa.

 

 Noel snorted as he walked into the room.  The sight of the familiar messy haired teen brought a smile to his face.

 

“Shouldn't you be out in the village terrorizing the masses.”  Noel grinned at the teen.

 

“If you must know, I just got back when I caught wind of what you two did.  Taking Naruto wasn't a smart move Noel.” Kakashi stated as he stretched out on their couch.

 

 Noel fell into a nearby chair with a scowl and Xanxus sat in his large plush chair.

 

“It doesn't matter what kind of move it was all that mattered was getting Naruto out of there and somewhere safe were people actually love him and want him.  You should have seen the way that woman looked at him, as if he was a disease or an insect on the bottom of her shoe. He's only a baby he shouldn't have to deal with any of this hatred. He doesn't deserve any of this hatred.  Those ignorant fucks don't care, all they see when they look at this child is a monster and I will not let that happen any longer.” Noel growled as tears started to trail down his cheeks.

 

 Xanxus passed his partner a box of tissues as he frowned at the tears.

 

“I understand your reasoning and I never said I was against you taking Naruto from the orphanage.”  Kakashi replied with a tired look. “I just meant be more subtle.”

 

“This whole village has gone to shit and if one move is made against him while he's in my care I'm taking him and our daughter and I'm leaving.”  Noel huffed drying his eyes. “You're more than welcome to come.”

 

“Somehow I don't think it'll come to that.”  Xanxus said.

 

“What do you mean?”  Noel asked confused.

 

“There's no way that the Hokage is going to let a tailed beast out of this Village; especially not the nine tails.”  He replied.

 

“Those with the beasts have the power.”  Kakashi spoke softly.

 

“Exactly.”

 

It wasn't long until the anbu showed up at their home. The Hokage, as well as his advisors, were present as well.  Xanxus shoved Kakashi up the stairs to the kids as Noel answered the door, but didn’t make a move to allow them in.

 

“We're not giving him back.  I know you know I'm the only one who can take him now.  Your village made damn well sure of it too.”

 

“Now Noel we really don't need to come to any of…”  Hiruzen started.

 

“Bull.  Shit.” Noel cut him off.  “Naruto is a baby who deserves love and home not that shit orphanage where the matron kept him in a pile of rags in a box.  If Minato could see how you left his child I'm pretty sure he would have shoved his goddamn Rasengan through your neck Lord Hokage.”

 

 The anbu tensed at his words and the advisors looked outraged.  Danzo remained impassive.

 

“I think your emotions are clouding your judgment.”  The bandaged man spoke.

 

 Noel whipped around and bared his teeth at the older man.  Xanxus was close to using his Sharingan. 

 

“And I think you need to stay as far away from me as possible Danzo.”  Noel hissed.

 

“You're not welcome in or near our home.  The Hokage and the other two advisors can stay but you must leave.”  Xanxus spoke in a controlled voice.

 

“Explain yourselves.”  Hiruzen said confused at their aggression.

 

“No, we have our reasons and will keep them to ourselves.  The only issue you came here for was Naruto and we're keeping him like Kushina wanted, like Minato wanted, like Biwako wanted.”

 

 They watched the Hokage visibly flinch at the sound of his deceased wife’s name.  Before sighing in defeat.

 

“I suppose we have no choice then.”  

 

“Lord Hokage surely you don't mean to leave the boy here. The council will be up in arms”  Utatane said in anger.

 

“Only the civilian council will be shiting bricks.  The clans will probably support us.” Xanxus replied to her grievance.  

 

“You'll take him if we don't allow him to stay.”  Hiruzen said giving the couple a calculating stare.

 

“You know us well Lord Hokage.”  Noel smirked.

 

“Then I shall allow him to stay in your home.”  Hiruzen smiled.

 

 Noel smiled leaning back into Xanxus.

 

“Thank you Lord Hokage and should anything happen to either of us; know that it was a plot in order to throw Naruto back into the orphanage not because we were hurt on a mission or anything like that.  The likelihood of us getting hurt now is slim to none now that we have someone to care for. Xanxus smirked.

 

“What makes you say this?”  Hiruzen asked curiously.

 

“All I have to say is that we can pull trees out by the roots and we can burn them to ash before they hit the ground again.”

 

The Hokage look puzzled by the words. Danzo, however, looked Furious as the group finally walked away from their home.

 

“I guess now is the time to watch our backs.”  Noel hummed.

 

“It's no different from every other day of the week.”  Xanxus huffed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time skip in next chapter!


	3. Unintentional Saviors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel can't catch a break.

  Shibi sat in silence mildly concerned, but mostly exasperated.  Noel was complaining again and it actually sounded like he had a very good reason to.

 

“I don’t know how the ass hole did it, but he got the council to overturn my request to go back to T&I.  He was pushing for me to go into fucking seduction corps.”  Noel growled into his tea.  “You are now looking at the division head.”

 

 Shibi’s brow rose in shock.

 

“They just made you the leader?”

 

“Apparently I have a reputation and they were dying for a chance to pull me on board.”

 

“You did dress in drag a lot during our genin days.”  Shibi pointed out.

 

  Noel shrugged not caring too much for their D rank fiascos at the moment.

 

“At least they approved my nomination for Ibiki.  The Hokage is promoting him to special jonin status.”  Noel smiled. “I think I should inform Orochimaru sensei about everything going on now.  He has been helping Xanxus and me with our little side project.”

 

  Shibi still found it surprising to hear about Noel’s relationship to the only sannin left in the village.  Not long into their squad days, Noel sought out the man to learn everything he could about poisons.  Noel was plenty proficient in them beforehand, but he was also an ambitious kid.  Shibi knew that his teammate stalked the man for well over a month before the sannin caved.  The mentorship worked out in more ways than one for the pair.  The village eased up on their judgmental view of the two when they constantly had to see the two mock and hiss at one another like a petulant child to their parent.  Orochimaru was also more open to accepting his second apprentice Anko, once Noel was promoted. 

 

“I bet he was trying to throw a cog in Xanxus and I’s marriage.  We really pissed him off when we showed up in the middle of his ‘meeting’ with Shisui.”

 

“What?”  Shibi asked in confusion.

 

“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure we prevented something horrible and gained some respect from the Uchiha clan somehow.  Itachi actually graced me with a hug.”  Noel said ending with an excited squeal. 

 

  Shibi put his head in his hands.  He really needed to have a talk with Noel about his doting on the Uchiha heir.

 

“Anyway Fugaku wanted to accept Xanxus back into the clan, but the elders are still old dicks and rejected his proposal.”  Noel snorted.  “Fugaku has gained some brownie points with me, however, because he has started to treat Xanxus like family instead of a dirty secret.  He’s still a douche though.”

 

  Shibi just knew Noel was about to go onto another rant. 

 

* * *

 

  Naruto hummed as he refilled his water can and set about watering his garden.  It was one of the few things he asked for and his surrogate parents did not deny him the use of their mostly unused backyard.  Noel kept a few potted plants for some of his poisons, but not much else considering their basement was converted to a training room. 

  Noel stood vigilant from the porch with a soft smile on his face.  The little ball of sunshine may look like Minato, but he was defiantly Kushina’s kid.  If he wasn’t in the calm of his garden he was out pranking the residents of the village with elaborate and often genius traps.  Noel was so proud of all the effort the kid put in that he couldn’t ever bring himself to punish him.  Right before he started the academy, Noel sat the blonde down and told him the truth about his parents and the Kyuubi attack.  Xanxus and Kakashi filled in any blanks, and they all made sure Naruto understood how much he was wanted and loved.  Noel never wanted to see this child cry again.  Naruto was a tiny sun that they all orbited and basked in the light of.  Xanxus already threatened half the village for the kid.  Noel and Tsume got a majority of the clans on Naruto’s side whenever the civilian council reared its ugly head to spit venom at them.  It was a rough and continuous battle.  Noel wouldn’t give this up for anything.  Their comfortable silence was broken by the loud call of the only female in their family.

 

“Papa!  I brought my team home to meet you guys!”  Noel heard his daughter call out from inside the house.

 

  Naruto looked up from watering his vegetable garden with curiosity and excitement in his eyes.  Noel felt out for the chakra signatures and froze up.  Naruto grew confused at his sudden stillness and tugged on his guardian’s sleeve. 

 

“What’s wrong Papa?” 

 

“Oh, nothing.”  Noel sighed in resignation.  “Just an unavoidable situation is all.”

 

“Okay.”  Naruto nodded with a huge grin.

 

  Noel smirked at the boy pulling him into a one-armed hug.

 

“Want to help with the snacks?” 

 

“Yes!”

 

  They made their way inside and were greeted with the sight of a smiling TenTen, brooding Hyuuga, and…

 

“Oh shit, he reproduced.”  Noel whispered in disbelief.  “Kashi is going to freak-out.”

 

“Language!”  TenTen and Naruto shouted in unison.

 

  Noel rolled his eyes and walked to one of the nearby bookshelves to place a few Ryo in a ‘swear jar’.  He turned back to the team and gave them a forced smile.

 

“Welcome to my home Gai, so nice to see you.”

 

  The green-clad ninja gave a blinding grin before jumping into one of his tangents.  Xanxus was lucky he left to visit Mikoto. 

 

 

* * *

 

“It’s always good to see you Xanxus.”  Mikoto smiled setting some tea on the table before them. “Fugaku wanted you to know that he was sorry he is missing our weekly tea.  I almost thought you wouldn’t make it.”

 

  Itachi had a rare day off and was settled across from the red-eyed male with a pouting Sasuke snuggled into his side. 

 

“Yeah.”  Xanxus replied nodding in thanks when she handed him a cup.  “I just got back from Suna and I really needed to spend some time with Naruto after the shit I saw there.”

 

“Oh?  What happened?”  She asked worriedly.

 

“Saw this kid there.  He was all by himself.  Everyone isolated him and called him a monster under their breath.”  Xanxus started before letting out a snort.  “Noel wanted to kidnap him and add him to our family.  I said no since it was technically the Kazekage’s kid, but I managed to slip one of Noel’s little hairpins to him before I left.”

 

“What would that do?”  Sasuke asked curiously.

 

  Xanxus smirked.

 

“It means I marked the kid with the symbol of The Green Fairy.”

 

“Who’s that?”

 

“The hallucinogenic ninja assassin guaranteed to wreck your mind before taking you out.”  Shisui informed dramatically upon his entrance.  “He also happens to be known as Noel the deus ex-machina of Konoha.”

 

“What’s a d…”

 

“Please leave it be Sasuke.  He doesn’t need any more air in his head.”  Itachi smiled at his baby brother.

 

“Okay!”  The boy chirped forgetting all about his cousin in favor of his beloved brother.

 

  Shisui sulked as Mikoto giggled and Xanxus grinned. 

 

 

* * *

 

  It was later that afternoon that Xanxus heard knocking at the door.  Noel stood from his chair and went to answer.

 

“We have been summoned by the Hokage.”  Orochimaru smirked as the door to his former pupil’s home opened.

 

“Why are you playing messenger?”

 

“I was told it was a personal matter.”

 

“Well, that’s not suspicious at all.”

 

“Subtlety was never sensei’s strong suit.  Not like us.”

 

“You’re awfully catty today?  What gives?”

 

“Our little hobby gained some fruit and lead me to a few revelations we can use.”

 

“Sounds promising, do we have a set date yet?”

 

“Not yet.  There are still far too many variables to consider.”

 

“Then I guess we will continue to bide our time.”

 

  Teacher and student were interrupted by the irritated voice of Xanxus. 

 

“Can you two stop plotting in the doorway?  I’d like to get this shit over with before dinner time.” 

 

“Just when I thought you had a redeemable quality.”  Orochimaru sneered. 

 

“I don’t give a fuck.”  Xanxus deadpanned.

 

“I can tell.”

 

“Stop acting like you two don’t like each other.”  Noel grinned leading the two nin away toward the Hokage’s office.

 

* * *

 

 “I’m sorry could you repeat that?”  Noel hissed.

 

  Orochimaru stood at the younger’s side with a smug grin on his face as he stared down the Hokage in amusement.

 

“Yes, sensei, repeat it.”

 

  Hiruzen really wanted a bottle of sake at the moment.

 

“I said, and I know you heard me, that a mission came in from an elderly woman who lives on the border between fire and grass country.  She claims that her daughter gave up a child here years ago for fear that they would be harmed.  At the time the woman’s family owed a great debt to a group of bandits.  The bandits threatened to take her daughter’s firstborn.  The daughter lied and claimed the child was stillborn and buried.”

 

“Skip to the last bit please.”  Noel gritted out as Xanxus rubbed soothing circles into the small of his back.

 

“The woman stated that the bandits were dealt with a long while ago and her daughter went on to have another child about 12 years later.  Her daughter unfortunately passed in childbirth and the husband on a mission to Iwa.  She has raised the child for the past 19 years on her own.  The client came across a bingo book a week ago with your picture inside and believes that you are the baby her daughter gave up.”

 

“Is there any truth to her claims?”  Xanxus asked.

 

  Hiruzen pulled three photos from the packet and slid them toward the three nin.  Orochimaru picked them up and glanced over them.  His eyes widened as he quickly handed them to his former student.  Noel nearly fainted in shock.  The first photo may as well have been him with shorter hair and makeup.  She smiled in the picture with a hand on her pregnant belly.  The next was a young boy with a bored expression on his face staring into the camera.  He too had the same hair, complexion, and eyes as Noel and the pregnant woman.  The last was a clipping of his latest bingo book entry with a photo from his chunin exams.  His entry had yet to be updated from the time they entered him in the first place.  He pissed a lot of people off that year, hence the bounty.

 

“Can’t argue with that resemblance.”  Xanxus huffed. 

 

“She also informed us that your supposed brother would be arriving soon to get to know his family.”  Hiruzen added.

 

“And just when did you receive this client’s request ?”  Noel asked in a strained voice.

 

“A week ago.”

 

“Are fucking serious!?”

 

  A knock sounded interrupting what could have been a homicide in the making.  Iruka popped his head in with a strained smile on his face. 

 

“Lord Hokage, there is an unaffiliated ninja here to see you.  He claims that you were informed about his arrival already.

 

“Send him in.”

 

  The door was pushed open allowing a willowy male of average height into the office.  The blank-faced young adult glanced around the office in disdain before his teal pupilless eyes fell on the gaping face of what could have been his long-haired doppelganger.

 

“Yo.”  Fran said casually lifting a hand in greeting to his long-lost elder brother.

 

“Well, I guess there are two of you now.”  Orochimaru laughed in sadistic amusement.

 

  Hiruzen paled and suddenly felt that this idea would bring far more trouble than it should have.

**Author's Note:**

> This will most definitely have like a sequel per time skip lol. There will be one for the naruto, shippuden, and boruto time jumps because I love Noel being a person who can always spot Shibi and Shino despite them doing their best to avoid him all the time.
> 
>  
> 
> [ glitteryreptiles < /a> Come hang out on Tumblr!](https://glitteryreptiles.tumblr.com/)


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